A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words, and a Whole Load of Wedding Presents

I began to understand how important wedding pictures were when I started receiving more announcements than credit card applications. I soon realized, however, that both my friends and my potential creditors were both after the same thing, my money. The only difference being that my friends wanted it in the form of Target gift cards. Despite all this, I am proud to report a near perfect credit score.

While I could go on about the money sharks about me, I will not because one day (hopefully) you will get a announcement from me, and hopefully I too will earn that highly coveted spot on your fridge between sister Sally’s out-dated sixth grade picture and the Christmas card from a long lost (and never again found) friend from your wild college days.

What is more significant, even eternally significant, is the engagement photo itself. To those getting married, today, tomorrow, or several years from now, THIS IS LIFE OR DEATH! The picture needs to say what you would like to say if you had no heart or sensitivities. It should say something like, “neener-neener,” or “I told you so,” but in a Sunday-conversation type of way. Having my refrigerator clothed with such engagement photos, I am qualified to give the following advice.

Throughout your engagement, you have most likely learned the importance of your hands. Whether it be high-fiving with your hands, holding hands, or giving your hand in marriage (in that order only), hands are very significant. In the wedding picture, please don’t use your hands to choke, strangle, or harm in any way your significant other. That’s what we call “mixed signals.”

The background of your picture can be a good way to distract people from a poor haircut, a bad side, or even just an unnatural smile so choose your background wisely. You may not know this now, but what you stand in front of is an image of who you are as a couple. If you choose to stand in front of a rustic cabin, people will say, “hey, these people have Little House on the Prairie values.” Likewise, standing in front of your dad’s half-restored Ford Taurus may not send the kind of signals you’re going for.

For those of you who may be indecisive, especially when it comes to deciding which picture to choose for your engagement photo, may I make one suggestion? Instead of having one picture, try having one big picture that you mostly like surrounded by fifteen other pictures you kinda-sorta like. That way, you don’t have to make a decision! You could even change outfits if you’d like!

Hopefully that will get you lovebirds started. I would spend more time giving away my helpful advice but I need to work on photoshopping myself into a picture in front of the Indy 500 Speedway. Hey does anyone know where to find a good picture of Miley Cyrus?