Sunday, May 25, 2008

Always a Groomsman, Never a Groom

Over the past month, I have completed a task more uncommon at BYU than getting a bad grade on a religion exam. I have successfully, and with great care and consideration, married off all three of my deserving roommates (Brandon Sunday will be soon). This task is not for the weak or the wimpy, but only for those who are able to endure hours of counseling, complaining, and commitment making. The side effects of such a feat is still being discovered, but an aversion to dating can already be seen. However, there have been many of life’s great lessons that I have learned from my experiences that I would never have learned otherwise. So, to pay tribute to my long departed friends, I wish to share some of these important lessons. I have learned:

1. Garters are worn around a bride’s upper leg and, therefore, should not be handled by anyone other than the bride.
2. Lemon poppyseed wedding cake starts a mean food fight.
3. The colors at a reception ARE life and death decisions, at least for the groom.
4. The adrenaline experienced by the groom at a wedding can make him do just about anything, including stand in a line greeting strangers for hours and dance to a country song with their new mother-in-law
5. The Best Man should be a paid position.
6. Successful wedding photographers must be able to do a great Kermit the Frog impression.
7. You can’t expect a bride and groom to do anything on their wedding day, including picking up after their own party.
8. Target has a lousy wedding gift return policy.
9. People don’t like you as much as they enjoy getting a free piece of cheesecake and a newly concocted type of slushy.
10. The love two people have on their wedding day is a true miracle.

There you have it, ten of the greatest lessons I could share with anyone who may be considering marriage, or even anyone planning on going to a wedding reception. Consider yourself warned. But, to my friends, best wishes to you all and may life bring to you everything you could ever hope for!